If you live in the Boulder area and your looking for therapeutic support as you navigate miscarriage, termination, stillbirth and/or newborn loss, this blog post will give you information about how I work with women and couples, and areas of support that are important to focus on.
Wow. The death of your baby. The loss of your friend’s or family member’s baby. Let those words sink in. Let your mind wander to what this REALLY means.
Babyloss is confusing for so many of us. What was lost? Did the couple lose a child? Or was it just a dream, a fantasy, an idea for the future so nothing “real” was lost? No “real” person died? Can’t a couple just have another child? That fixes things, right? Wrong. Quite simply, the child that died will never be again. Another child is not the same child that died. Another child doesn’t replace one that died. Yet we make this assumption in babyloss. And another child doesn’t always happen either. But let’s say a one year old died, or a 16 year old, or a 30 year old child – we look at this differently. A real, live, breathing person died. Of course the parents would be devastated. They lost their child! And that, my readers, is babyloss too. But we fail to see that, to understand that, to let this life changing event be a heart breaking reality, for ourselves, and for those that we know who lost a baby.
As a therapist in private practice in Louisville, Colorado, I specialize in supporting women and couples who have experienced babyloss – miscarriage, termination, stillbirth and/or newborn loss. While I chose this specialty, this specialty also chose me with the birth and death of my firstborn daughter, Acacia. I became interested in pregnancy and birth during my undergrad years. After grad school I was putting this passion into practice with pregnant and parenting teens. And then my husband and I decided it was time for us to join the world of parents. But that didn’t go as planned. Our daughter was born with undiagnosed trisomy 18 and lived for 2 ½ days. 2 ½ life changing days. Just as any child changes a parent’s life, babies that die also change their parents’ lives. As any child should. So my life changed. And now it is my passion and privilege to help others navigate this most painful path.
How does therapy help? There are 3 main areas that I focus on in my work with clients:
- Support: The death of your baby can be so isolating, so lonely, so confusing. Many women and couples don’t receive enough support. Grief is not pathological, but the way our culture doesn’t support grief is! Instead of being surrounded by love, warmth, support and understanding, many babyloss parents are left alone, wondering what is wrong with them and why it’s taking so long to “get over” their loss. In therapy with me you will receive the support, love, warmth and understanding that you need to integrate this loss into your life.
- Education: Grief is confusing, messy, and overwhelming at times. Many of us don’t know what grief can look like. We think we’re going “crazy”. We worry we have not only lost our child, but we have lost ourselves and our partners too. It is true that we are forever changed. My job as your therapist is to help you understand the process of grief, to help ground you in this confusing reality, and to provide both education and support that your grief process will continue to change.
- Holding & Integration. In therapy I hold space for whatever is arising. We practice welcoming all feelings and thoughts. We practice self compassion and self love. As you are able to allow your experience to unfold as it is, to welcome the pain and sorrow AND love and joy, to hold your feelings and experiences as you would your precious child, then we can integrate them into your being, into your life, into your relationships. Your child is forever yours. You are forever their parents.
If you are grieving the loss of your baby, take that brave first step and reach out to me for support. Grief is hard. You don’t have to do this alone. Call me at 303.502.4867 or email me at shellykingtherapy@gamil.com. I am here to walk with you on this journey.