Relationship Counseling
We are wired for connection with other people.Let’s learn how to cultivate security within ourselves and our relationships, even when they are challenging.
Couples Therapy
Attachment Styles, Communication Skills, PACT
Relationship Ambivalence
Understanding the Effects, Getting Unstuck
Separation & Divorce
Clarity, Communication, Emotional Support, Next Steps
ENM/Poly Informed
Multiple Partner Relationship Dynamics, Self-reflection, Boundaries & Individuation
Empathic & Spiritual
Emotional Boundaries, Trusting Your Intuition
Relationships are challenging, even under the best of circumstances!
Despite any difficulties, we are wired for connection with other people.
It is in a secure, loving relationship with others that we experience the best version of ourselves – whether that’s with our partner, our friends, or our families. Yet many of us have not had healthy role models to demonstrate this type of relationship.
With warmth and authenticity, I work with clients to change patterns that are no longer serving them.
Using several relational models I will help you better understand how you and your partner/s are wired for connection. We will work together to create new ways to work with past issues. By doing this, you can create different possibilities for your relationships, thus allowing each of you to feel safe, secure and loved.
In our sessions you will face your concerns head on with a balance of intensity and humor.
Other things I’d like you to know about how I will support you in your relationship counseling sessions:
I am passionate about working with partners who want to do the work
I hold the space for people to show up, in deep authenticity with themselves and each another. When all parties are willing to really look at themselves, and are open to change, progress happens.
The relational models I bring into our sessions
PACT (psychobiological approach to couple therapy with Stan Tatkin) and RLT (relational life therapy with Terry Real). PACT is an integration of cutting edge research in the areas of: neuroscience – the study of the human brain; attachment theory – our biological need to bond with others; and human arousal – one’s in the moment alertness and body regulation.
In our work together I will hold a space for you to forge a new path
To create new ways to work with past issues; to better understand yourself and your partner; to understand power dynamics that show up in relationships under the patriarchal system we all live in; to deepen your sense of connection, security and fun!
I also bring professional trainings and personal experience to supporting clients that are exploring CNM/polyamorous relationships
This work is informed by the above relational models holding in mind attachment styles and arousal regulation, while also working to deconstruct cultural programming around how relationships are supposed to look so one can make a conscious choice about what works for them.
When we meet each other where we are at, change can begin.
In sessions together we will begin to build security by learning how to witness one another, where we are – in relation to one another and life together.
We will build skills, to sit in the discomfort, using principals of relational neuroscience, attachment theory, and body (emotional) regulation techniques.
Then, we can work together to create change and begin to live the relational life you desire.
Areas I can support within your relationship space:
Attachment Patterns
These are the cognitive and behavioral patterns that are created and developed during infancy and early childhood when we implicitly learned how to be in intimate relationships in our family of origin. For example, at one end of the spectrum you may have beliefs of not being worthy, not being good enough, that relationships are always hard and/or no one will ever be there for you. On the other end of the spectrum, you may consistently feel safe and loved in relationships, with the flexibility to work things out when they do go awry. These beliefs and experiences arise from how you learned to orient to relationships as an infant. How you were raised is not your fault, but it is now your responsibility to heal and change if you choose.
Relationship Ambivalence
When you’re in a relationship, and you’re not sure if you’re staying or going. This in-between space, this space of limbo, this ambivalence can be one of the most challenging times. It is also a time ripe for self-exploration and self-discovery. Let’s get curious together about your ambivalence, and see what it wants you to know. From there you can discern what is your next right step.
Separation & Divorce
Therapy is your time and space to explore and be with your thoughts and feelings as you move through separation and/or divorce. It’s often a time filled with so much – from experiences of relief and joy to deep deep grief that your relationship is shifting and changing. You may have chosen to end the relationship, or you may have wanted to stay. This may feel like a time of empowerment and positive change, and it may feel like a time of deep uncertainty, anger, grief and fear. It probably includes all of that. In our work together, you will find a safe space to work with everything coming up, finding ways to allow emotions to move through you while you navigate the decisions of what comes next.
Life Changes
If you’re in a relationship for any amount of time, you and your relationship will experience life changes. Whether it’s a new job, loss of a job, a move, having a child(ren), experiencing a mental health issue like anxiety or depression, and/or a loss of some type. As the saying goes, the only constant is change. Therapy can help you navigate these changes while getting to know yourself and your partner(s) better, identifying what you want/need as you go through life changes and helping to maintain a connection to yourself, your partner(s), and your relationship.
Being in Relationship as a Parent
Whether you’re in a first family, a step family, dating or a single parent, being in relationship as a parent is different than when you were single. Parenting can bring out the best and worst in us. We often feel a deep love for our child(ren) that compares to nothing else, yet parenting puts us in direct contact with our own childhood issues that have not been resolved, and parenting can escalate problems with our partners due to a lack of sleep, a new baby to care for, new financial concerns, and a change in moods and identity. No wonder parenting is hard! Let’s talk about all the ways your relationship(s) are different now that you’re a parent – celebrating the joys and supporting the challenges.
Communication Patterns
These are often related to our attachment patterns. How we learned to communicate in intimate relationships comes from what we observed, experienced and learned from our care givers growing up. If we experienced intimate relationships full of warmth, transparency, love, acceptance and rupture and repair, we know how to do this as adults. Many of us didn’t have such rich and caring communication growing up, so now we need to learn it an adulthood.
Boundaries
For many of us, boundaries feel like an elusive idea. What are boundaries? I view them as a flexible energetic container from which we feel safe enough to explore the world around us and be in relationship with others without sacrificing or hurting ourselves. A boundary can be physical, emotional, sexual, spiritual and/or mental. A boundary can look different depending on the person and/or situation we are relating with. Boundaries change, just as we do. Therapy is a place to discover what, if any, boundaries you currently have in place and why. From there we can explore if/how they’re working for you and what changes you may want to make. Incorporating mindfulness, spirituality and intuitive tools can help you discern how to create, maintain, and change boundaries as needed.
CNM/ENM/Poly Informed
I have studied and delved into polyamorous/CNM/ENM relationships both professionally and personally. The socially accepted norm of monogamy is growing, changing, shifting, and being challenged. I support clients in exploring their relationship orientation and relationship style choice. For some, their relationship orientation is polyamorous/ENM/CNM. For some, they choose this relationship style. And yet for others, there is a curiosity to discern what works best for them. I assist clients in discovering and consciously claiming their relationship orientation/style, whatever it may be, while honoring it can shift and change.
Spiritual Perspectives
I view spiritual perspective as anything greater than, a belief in something bigger than any one of us. Language that may be used can include, but is not limited to: goddess, god, universe, creator, greatest and highest good, and supreme being. I hold religion and spirituality as two different things, while the two can go hand in hand. In therapy together we can tap into how you orient spiritually and find ways to use that to support you on your journey, and how it can support your relationship space. This can also include tools to learn to trust your intuition in relationship to yourself and others. If you do not have a spiritual orientation, we leave this part out of our therapy together.
My Approach
Let me be honest – refreshingly and authentically real with you. You will find no quick fixes here. I do not offer the “life hacks” to get things back on track IMMEDIATELY. I cannot tell you the “five things” you must do to have a better relationship RIGHT NOW.
Together we will create a nourishing container to invite a new way to be in partnership. A space to learn how to allow, surrender, and accept. How to set boundaries, yet meet each other’s needs in a healthy way.
You might feel broken open, but we will find tools that work for you to feel resourced in the transformation.
My work is individual and unique. Your relationship can be a path of intentional co-creation, and we aim to re-ignite your unique relational synergy in that.
Next Steps
Do you find yourself longing for a better relationship with your partner?
Do you feel stuck in old patterns, having the same fight over and over?
Has a major loss, trauma or infidelity happened in your relationship?
Are you feeling depressed, stressed out, or anxious?
Are you looking for a deeper connection and more ease and flow with your partner?
These are some big questions you may be sitting with, and taking that first step to contact a therapist to work on your relationship is a big one. You may feel scared or uncertain about reaching out and asking for help. It takes strength and courage to advocate for your relationship. Research has shown that one of the most important factors for successful therapy is the fit between client and therapist – in couples therapy, this is true for the relational partners. In other words, it’s important that the partners in the relationship feel comfortable with the therapist. I offer a free 30 minute remote consultation so we can find out if we’re a good fit. I look forward to hearing from you.
Schedule a Free 1:1
Let’s start the connection process to see if it feels like we are a good fit for your therapy goals.
Book Your Sessions
Once we decide that we would like to work together, let’s get some time on our calendars!
Meeting Your Goals
It’s important to me that we are making progress in our time together.
Relationship Session Pricing
I like to be upfront about cost and payment expectations for your therapy. I accept cash, check or credit card and payment is expected at time of service.
For couples, we start with a 1 to 2 hour session. I know from my work with parents of young children and babies that it can feel challenging to find this chunk of time, yet I have found this amount of time to be so important as we begin your therapeutic work together. If your baby is three months and younger, you’re welcome to bring them with you to a session and we’ll see how that goes. After the first session, we will talk about how long future sessions should be. Future sessions will usually be 1 hour, and you may choose 75 or 90 mins as well.
I do not accept insurance for couple’s/multi-partner work.
If cost is a barrier to you, let me know. I reserve a number of reduced fee slots. Please reach out via email or phone call ahead of your scheduled meet and greet if you will need a reduced fee. This will allow me to look at my current caseload to see what is possible. If I am able to do this, we will talk about your financial and therapeutic needs and create a payment plan together that works for all of us. If not, I can offer you other possible reduced fee options. Please don’t hesitate to ask!
$185/hr
Good Faith Estimate
Under the law, health care providers need to give patients who don’t have insurance or who are not using insurance an estimate of the bill for medical items and services.
• You have the right to receive a Good Faith Estimate for the total expected cost of any non-emergency items or services. This includes related costs like medical tests, prescription drugs, equipment, and hospital fees.
• Make sure your health care provider gives you a Good Faith Estimate in writing at least 1 business day before your medical service or item. You can also ask your health care provider, and any other provider you choose, for a Good Faith Estimate before you schedule an item or service.
• If you receive a bill that is at least $400 more than your Good Faith Estimate, you can dispute the bill.
• Make sure to save a copy or picture of your Good Faith Estimate.
For questions or more information about your right to a Good Faith Estimate, visit www.cms.gov/nosurprises or call the Colorado Division of Insurance at 303-894-7490 or 1-800-930-3745.
Meeting Location – online or in person
In person: 1365 Forest Park Circle, Suite 203, Lafayette, CO 80026
Online: via secure HIPPA compliant platform
In person sessions are available on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays. Mondays and Fridays are fully remote.
More Meeting Place Logistics
I offer both remote and in-person sessions.
In person sessions are available on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays. Mondays are fully remote. All meet and greet sessions are held online.
My office is located off 95th and Arapahoe. It is in the office park/restaurant area with Morning Glory, Martino’s and 95A Bistro. I am in the building with a hair salon and pet store on the first floor. My suite is up the stairs on the second floor, to the right. It is not accessible as there isn’t an elevator in the building. If this is a barrier for you, we can schedule sessions online.
Relationship Resources
Pregnancy
Have you found yourself believing that pregnancy should be a time of bliss and belly shots posted on Facebook and Instagram? Or that postpartum is a sweet time of bonding with the baby while mama bounces back from pregnancy and resumes her life pre-baby? And that parenting is a time full of fun, play dates, and admiringly watching your child grow as you continue to bond with your partner? While these may be pieces to the puzzle, they surely are not the complete picture. The reality of pregnancy, postpartum and parenting looks and feels much different from the joyful pictures we see posted in social media.
Did you know that one of the most common complications with pregnancy is perinatal mood and anxiety disorders (PMAD, or just some fancy words for saying depression and anxiety)? Approximately 20% of mothers experience postpartum depression or anxiety, and this can occur during pregnancy or up to years later. We are now even learning about postnatal depletion. Therapy is a place to talk about how you are doing and receive support to help regulate your mood. I believe a holistic approach is important so we will also talk about what other supports you need at this time (this could include medication, nutrition, exercise, acupuncture, physical therapy, etc.).
Local Providers:
Gaia Health – Lafayette, CO
Joy Collective – Boulder, CO
Pregnancy & Parenting Websites:
Baby Center – Pregnancy, parenting, children’s health and more.
Peggy O’Mara – Information about pregnancy, parenting, natural families and healthy living.
Aha! Parenting – Dr. Laura Markham provides support and advice from pregnancy through parenting teens.
La Leche League – An international organization whose mission “is to help mothers worldwide to breastfeed through mother-to-mother support, encouragement, information, and education, and to promote a better understanding of breastfeeding as an important element in the healthy development of the baby and mother” (Source: www.llli.org homepage).
Pregnancy Books:
The Birth Partner by Penny Simkin
Birthing From Within by Pam England
The Thinking Woman’s Guide to a Better Birth by Henci Goer
The Birth Book by William Sears, MD & Martha Sears, RN
Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth by Ina May Gaskin
Parenting
When it comes to one’s relationship, adding a child to your relationship can cause a strain (to say the least!). Parenting can bring out the best and worst in us. We often feel a deep love for our child(ren) that compares to nothing else, yet parenting puts us in direct contact with our own childhood issues that have not been resolved, and parenting can escalate problems with our partners due to a lack of sleep, a new baby to care for, new financial concerns, and a change in moods and identity. No wonder parenting is hard!
One of the best words to describe the journey of parenthood is full. It is full of so many thoughts, feelings, emotions, expectations, hopes, dreams, disappointments and rewards. And every parent’s journey is different. We all come to parenthood in our way, on our own path. As I work with parents, I am curious about their past that brought them to this present moment, what is happening now, and where a parent hopes to be. I provide a therapeutic space to support women and couples while they navigate their authentic experience during pregnancy, postpartum and parenting.
Pregnancy & Parenting Websites:
Baby Center – Pregnancy, parenting, children’s health and more.
Peggy O’Mara – Information about pregnancy, parenting, natural families and healthy living.
Aha! Parenting – Dr. Laura Markham provides support and advice from pregnancy through parenting teens.
La Leche League – An international organization whose mission “is to help mothers worldwide to breastfeed through mother-to-mother support, encouragement, information, and education, and to promote a better understanding of breastfeeding as an important element in the healthy development of the baby and mother” (Source: www.llli.org homepage).
Parenting Books:
Parenting from the Inside Out by Daniel Siegel, MD and Mary Hartzell, M.Ed.
The Whole-Brain Child by Daniel Siegel, MD and Tina Payne Bryson, PhD.
No Drama Discipline by Daniel Siegel, MD and Tina Payne Bryson, PhD.
The Yes Brain by Daniel Siegel, MD and Tina Payne Bryson, PhD.
The Power of Showing Up by Daniel Siegel, MD and Tina Payne Bryson, PhD.
Let the Baby Drive by Lu Hanessian.
The Science of Parenting by Margot Sutherland.
Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting by Dr. Laura Markham.
Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishment to Love and Reason by Alfie Kohn.
General Relationship Resources
If you’d like to learn more about the foundations of attachment science, arousal regulation and skill based work that I bring to relationship therapy, these books are a great starting point!
Books:
We Do by Stan Tatkin
In Each Other’s Care by Stan Tatkin
The Neurobiology of “We” by Dan Siegel
Us by Terry Real
The New Rules of Marriage by Terry Real
Polyamory by Martha Kauppi
Polysecure by Jessica Fern
The Power of Attachment by Diane Poole Heller
Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel
The State of Affairs by Esther Perel
Any of the books by John & Julie Gottman (they have many!)